A dark place leading me inside

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All journal-items with the title ‘Crystal woods’ form a whole and are part of a new project. During 2017 I expanded my research for nature and life-energy to seven woods in a range of 10 km around my living place. The Crystal-woods-journals. The Crystal woods story consists of photographs, maps and paintings. In Crystal woods — Introduction one can find global information about this project.

A forest that invites to regression

The forest of Schinveld seems to be a place that puls one into the past and invites to regression. My search in this forest I often experienced as descending inside myself into hidden layers of older cultural periods. On some locations one can stil sense the negative energy of the violent transitions between these periods, such as between Neolithicum and Bronze Age. In our days we experience a radical transition once more, a recalibration of our place on and consciousness of the Earth.

The marsh nearby the dark place

In the middle of the Schinveld Forest one can find a water spring or marsh where water wells up and the moss is always green. About thirty years ago I found a place with some big oaks and a notable lot of sorbs not far from this marsh. I felt drawn to this place, but immediately I also felt a pressure around my head, for me a sign that once there occurred intense matter, of which the emotional and energetic information is still tangible. Since then I have avoid this location.

Oaks and sorbs on the dark place
The southern part of the Schinveld Forest-triangle with the dark place marked with pink

Dark pain place

Februari 13, 2019: In an earlier journal fragment I wrote about taking off the heavy backpack with information of all my search in the Schinveld Forest. But apparently this isn’t going to happen without a fight. At the very moment I leave the forest the forest comes to me, more penetrating than ever. Today, dwelling from place to place, I unexpectedly reached this wonderful but also dark location. Once again it is a painful visit, because I sleep restless that night and I wake up early with a hard swelling at my stomach area. This restless ritual repeats itself during several months. Maybe this pain place touches something in me of which I have to become aware of?

The yang oak at the central Deva-place surrounded by sorbs

Dream of the two oaks

March 21, 2008: More than ten years ago I woke up from a penetrating dream about two oaks. Closely in front of me they stand up impressive. They seem to express a message through this dream as if they want to help me. That same morning I walked to these two oaks in the Schinveld Forest, an enchanting place with a.o. the central Deva-place of the forest. As I sit there for a while leaning against the yang oak with my eyes shut I suddenly see a shiny tube though which a stream of energy flows into the dark depth below me, until a bright pulsing light begins to shine inside my head (this is a Star gate). When I subsequently sit against the yin oak I feel concealed and carried, while motherly tenderness and warmth are flowing through my back and pelvis (this is a primeval Mother-place).

The old kings oak on the yang place still stands upright but also in deterioration. The oak on the yin place lays uprooted and took some sorbs down with its fall

Closing of an old and beginning of a new period

March 18, 2019: Meanwhile it is some time ago that I visited the central Deva-place. Today I discover with awe how the female part of the two oaks has been uprooted by the latest storm wind. Surprised I see how the still undamaged trunk of the yin oak lays uprooted upon the earth. Herewith a long period of time seems to be concluded, for this forest, for the earth, and for myself. Since the first moment, some thirty years ago, that I saw the impressive yang oak I have noticed how dozens of young sorbs, pioneers announcing a new era, did grow up here.

A sad emptiness

When I visit the two oaks again some month later I experience a sad emptiness at the spot. The place of power remains, but apparently the old deceases to create new space for the new new to be born. Maybe the old central memory of the forest has to be reset? When I stand still beside the root ball I feel rocked by the primeval Mother-place. That night I wake up with a heavy feeling in my stomach area, and in my imagination I see how a powerful silver spruce points strait up into the sky on the place of the fallen oak. Trees not only save CO2 but also filter cosmic energy. I also find myself in a transitional phase. The compelling energy that moved me on seems to be used up and gives way to a lighter, softer stream of creative energy.

Indigo-period; Descending and rising up 1; egg tempera on cardboard, 57×57 cm, 1988

Admitting darkness

July 9, 2019: It is completely calm and windless, no leaf is put in motion as I arrive at the central oak and birch of the dark place. When I shut my eyes I only see darkness. I hoped that I should have felt taken in by this place, but even when I stand there more than a quarter I have the feeling I don’t belong here…It seems to be a place that absorbs heavy energy from the surrounding human environment to transform it in the depth of the Earth. What kind of heavy energy in me wants to be taken up into the Earth?

Indigo-period: The approach 1, Kairos; egg tempera and collage on wood, 50×60 cm, 1986

Deeper trust

Since my last visit to the dark place penetrating questions rise in me: Do I have enough trust in the transformation of mankind and the Earth? Am I able, in spite of the crisis of consciousness in the world, to feel safe in my body, in my life, in a bigger whole? Can I accept darkness and duality in me and in the world?

The image of transformation often returns in my work: Flow, connection 1 and 2; acrylic on wood, 60×40 cm, June, July 2019

Dark place in me

December 6, 2019: During April and May 2019 I experienced the heavy energy of the dark place as well as that which resonates in me with this place. Slowly it becomes clear to me when this nocturnal tension appears: each time when I have been on a place or with a person that has been emotionally hurt. And also when I project negative emotions upon the outside world! The continuous tendency to judge negative causes conflict and separateness. Bringing forth positive attention is a conscious choice for unity.

Already in 1973 I made a drawing that unintentional got back to my birth; monotype, gouache on paper, ±18×30 cm, 1973

December 29, 2019: Why my stomach keeps demanding for attention? What is it that wants to be seen? And then, at last, light falls upon the dark place in myself. It is the mortal fear of my mother, the first emotion that I felt during and in the first days after my birth. Mortal fear was hidden deep beneath my searching out of lack, the search for an image of wholeness and security of the Mother. And as well this fear as the longing for wholeness apparently do resonate with the places of power where an energetic pattern of agony has been unseen for a long time. And this emotion resonates with the places of power where an energetic pattern of mortal fear has been unseen. An old pattern of searching out of lack may end her… but stop judging and annoying will take some more time.